Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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