right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
