Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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