Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs