tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
