I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
