"it" just moved
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
