Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
