accomplished twins. life is a go
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
