Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
