I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
