We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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