Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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