Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
