is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
