Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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