Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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