How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
