You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
