So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
