I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have demons in me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
