I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
