Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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