I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
