As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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