Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
me + whiskey = a bad person
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
