i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
