I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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