i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
