Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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