it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
