Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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