my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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