Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
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I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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