Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
is it fun? or sober?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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