Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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