He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
