I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
