I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His nipple licking is glorious
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