We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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