he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
