I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
