I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
