if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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