I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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