Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
