Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
