he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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