two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
