That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
