I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
