So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
whose parrot is this?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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