I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
