I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
