He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
the raccoons are back...
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